Posts Tagged ‘mother’

My 12th house Moon at 29° Gemini conjunct my Cancer ascendant has always been a challenge for me. Not a fluffy moon, it receives squares from my angular South Node, Pluto, Uranus, Jupiter and Mercury at the bottom of my chart and at the top has squares to my North Node and Chiron. Throw in an opposition to Mars and voila!, challenged Moon. {{smiles and reminds self to love my moon anyway}}

Transiting Pluto spent many years opposing my Moon and during that time the dissolution of female relationships was absolute, in regards to friends and family, less my daughters. My relationship with my daughters strengthened and evolved into a deep friendship and something far more beautiful and fulfilling than I could have imagined I would have with them at their current ages of 22 and 18. Friendship, true and real friendship is what we have now and that means everything to me for if there is no friendship in any form of a relationship than there is no relationship, period. I honestly believe that. I do not feel that blood relationships hold us together, at least it has not been true for me, friendship does. Yet, the relationship with my daughters while transformed was done so under duress.

In 2005 I had my Jupiter return, transiting Pluto conjuncted my natal Mars triggering my natal Mars-Pluto square and Saturn finished his transit through my 1st house and ended with a conjunction to my Leo Venus triggering my natal Venus-Saturn square. Divorce, followed by a financial collapse, was the result for me. By the end of 2006, my material net worth was packable, literally luggage tote-able{{laughs}}, attire and a few keepsakes plus my faithful little dog. That’s it. Everything else was gone. Home, auto’s, furnishings, bank accounts…gone in the blink of an eye it seemed. I have come to accept that this was the result of my dragging my tail on bringing to closure many situations when I should have instead of attempting to be the “good girl” and my previously warped perception of whom I thought I needed to be to be ‘spiritual’ undoubtedly contributed to my sluggishness in making willing changes too.

Sometimes I start to fall back on the old crutch of,  “Hey, I was presented with a whole plate of Shit when I entered this life” and then I check it quickly, for it is no excuse for my not attending to what was in my power to attend to and crutches like that one just catapult you right back into victim-hood. That is never a productive place to be and I very sincerely believe that these times are we are in will no longer allow for that state of consciousness. We now must take full accountability for our actions and non-actions, that is the only way through this pass, the best that I can see. No more pointing fingers and hiding behind shadows, at least not for me it would seem, for those shadows have been outed for me non-stop and I have to own them, there just is no other option even though I cannot logically explain why that is to someone that doesn’t already get it, you know?



Read Full Post »

Yesterday, I shared about my daughter’s Libra Sun being transited conjunct by Saturn, so she is also having Pluto square to her Sun at this time.

For myself, my natal Moon and Cancer Ascendant is being squared by Saturn and opposed by Pluto.

My natal Uranus is conjunct tr. Saturn and square tr. Pluto.

Everything feels to be of great meaning now.

Each day brings a new revelation.

Yet with each new insight, there is less and less certainty as to what the final outcome will be.

There are big changes right around the bend for myself, for both of my daughters, for all of us on this planet…

My daughter made a recent posting to her tumblr page that I feel captured this energy of change quite well and I thought I’d share it here, unedited.

My Moon’s heart is deeply touched by my daughter today and I feel proud of her, yet I am also a bit nostalgic and blue….

I suppose I should also mention, that transiting Jupiter is now upon my daughters IC, and almost upon my MC.

Blessings to All!

Feel free to share your personal thoughts/stories. Kachina


Excuse my terrible grammar

~APB 2/1/10

Day after day, I find myself standing in a chaotic mix of people rushing around a crowded train station. Everyone is always in a hurry to progress to their next destination, always so sure of where they are headed. To my right is a train heading to a place very familiar and comforting; a home if you will. A home full of memories and security. This place is however quite dull and filled with great loneliness. I look to my left and discover a chance to be taken somewhere new, to a place so beautiful and full of excitement and happiness. This place, as tempting as it may seem, is full of insecurity and risks to be taken.

Day in and day out, I stand before my two paths of choice. Never making any final desicions and being perfectly content sitting in stagnation. Suddenly, I begin thinking about time and how much of it I may or may not have left. I become anxious, panicking at the thought of having to decide. I know that I can not take any longer to make this choice. My mind is racing, and I know what I have to do. I inhale deeply, and enter the train on the left.

Read Full Post »

Today, is my eldest daughter’s birthday.

Today, she is 22.

Yet yesterday she was a defiant teen, and the day before that an awkward pre-teen, and the day before that, it was her first day of kindergarten.

The day previous to that day, she was the toddler with her arms wrapped around my neck, her tiny little face peeking through my hair, as she flirted with whomever was offering her, a much beloved cookie.

Not so many days ago, she was placed upon my breast, this newborn delight of mine, and she smiled up at me with a little pucker of a smile, and I felt a Love and Peace, that is the gift of Motherhood, of which we lack words of enough depth and richness, to even remotely describe this Heavenly Space.

Mother’s reading this, understand this and are in no need of words to describe what this is when holding company with one another, for we feel it and just understand it, this sacred space of a deep, eternal love that we enter into, within these rites of Motherhood.

Yes, I am deeply nostalgic today, and am savoring each and every drop, every single moment of memory, that returns to me this day.

You see, I feel we have these moments, and the whole of these moments, defines the Truth of our existence.

These moments, that define us, are the moments that reside in our Hearts, and are ever present, and ever alive.

I do not believe in living in the past, and yet, I do believe we occasionally need to take a moment, to scan around to be certain, that we have brought forward, all of the really precious wonders, that have brought us to Be, whom we are now.

The moments I carry in my Heart, those shared with both of my daughter’s, and the gift’s they have graced me with, in those shared experiences, are directly responsible for whom I have come to Be, today.


There are many things I intended to write about today.

Yet as soon as I awoke, the myriad of moments that I shared with my daughter, from the first that she entered this world, indeed from the moment I conceived her, continue to drift through my mind and senses.

This nostalgia is likely intensified today as I am currently in a period with heavy transits to my natal Moon (mother,women), with transiting Uranus and Saturn in square, and Pluto in opposition.

So, I thought maybe I’d try something a little different today, and I am going to review my personal chart for what I had transpiring the year I birthed this lovely child of mine.

If you are so inclined, feel free to share your personal experiences/astrology data in the comment section, I would enjoy sharing this “Sea of Nostalgia” with other parents that wish to savor their moments of wonder the year their children arrived.

So, here goes, a look at how this child entered my universe, via astrological influences. 🙂


Read Full Post »

Saturn at 29 Virgo is exactly squaring my 12th house Moon this past week.

In weeks previous to the exact square aspecting, “mother’ issues were front and center for me. Lucid dreams were a daily occurrence, all focused upon my relationship with my birth mother, yet also weaving through the archetypal mother. Mother was all I could see, feel, or ponder for many weeks. At some point, I shall expand upon those experiences.

I fully expected to be confronted with mother-related issues arising for observation and healing at this time. What I did not expect though, is the subject of my “Aha! moments” this past week. (more…)

Read Full Post »