My 12th house Moon at 29° Gemini conjunct my Cancer ascendant has always been a challenge for me. Not a fluffy moon, it receives squares from my angular South Node, Pluto, Uranus, Jupiter and Mercury at the bottom of my chart and at the top has squares to my North Node and Chiron. Throw in an opposition to Mars and voila!, challenged Moon. {{smiles and reminds self to love my moon anyway}}
Transiting Pluto spent many years opposing my Moon and during that time the dissolution of female relationships was absolute, in regards to friends and family, less my daughters. My relationship with my daughters strengthened and evolved into a deep friendship and something far more beautiful and fulfilling than I could have imagined I would have with them at their current ages of 22 and 18. Friendship, true and real friendship is what we have now and that means everything to me for if there is no friendship in any form of a relationship than there is no relationship, period. I honestly believe that. I do not feel that blood relationships hold us together, at least it has not been true for me, friendship does. Yet, the relationship with my daughters while transformed was done so under duress.
In 2005 I had my Jupiter return, transiting Pluto conjuncted my natal Mars triggering my natal Mars-Pluto square and Saturn finished his transit through my 1st house and ended with a conjunction to my Leo Venus triggering my natal Venus-Saturn square. Divorce, followed by a financial collapse, was the result for me. By the end of 2006, my material net worth was packable, literally luggage tote-able{{laughs}}, attire and a few keepsakes plus my faithful little dog. That’s it. Everything else was gone. Home, auto’s, furnishings, bank accounts…gone in the blink of an eye it seemed. I have come to accept that this was the result of my dragging my tail on bringing to closure many situations when I should have instead of attempting to be the “good girl” and my previously warped perception of whom I thought I needed to be to be ‘spiritual’ undoubtedly contributed to my sluggishness in making willing changes too.
Sometimes I start to fall back on the old crutch of, “Hey, I was presented with a whole plate of Shit when I entered this life” and then I check it quickly, for it is no excuse for my not attending to what was in my power to attend to and crutches like that one just catapult you right back into victim-hood. That is never a productive place to be and I very sincerely believe that these times are we are in will no longer allow for that state of consciousness. We now must take full accountability for our actions and non-actions, that is the only way through this pass, the best that I can see. No more pointing fingers and hiding behind shadows, at least not for me it would seem, for those shadows have been outed for me non-stop and I have to own them, there just is no other option even though I cannot logically explain why that is to someone that doesn’t already get it, you know?
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Just as abruptly I became an empty-nester and at a much earlier date than what I previously thought it would occur. My eldest was always highly self-sufficient and her way of handling what was happening in our lives was to move on. She left home at 18 and has done fairly well. My youngest was only 14 yet my conditions were so unstable (being homeless and penniless will definitely contribute to that ;)) it didn’t allow for me to be what she needed and/or expected. She chose to be with her father and his new family and than later changed residence to be with her paternal grandparents.
For a period of months during this time I took residence in another state out of a necessity to accept the help of a friend that was the only person to offer assistance. I have one of those charts that portrays a lot of limitation in relationships and one way this manifested for me was through non-support, in any form, be it through family or friendships. That never really overly concerned me before this period in my life for I was always self-sufficient (on my own at 15) and just plowed through. Yet when all of these transits were occurring I manifested Fibro and CF symptoms which lessened my previous ‘plow through’ ability dramatically. I entered a period that I would come to learn much about surrender, acceptance and my own limitations and strengths and through these lessons I would begin to redefine whom I thought myself to be.
It is said that Pluto forever changes whatever it touches and that is true. I am not the mother I once was, I am not the daughter I once was nor the sister and I am certainly not the empath I once was. I don’t ‘suck things up’ anymore in an attempt to make others feel better. For a long time I grappled with all things Mother, all things Feminine. When I briefly belonged to some spiritual forums I had people confide to me that they saw me as a “Great Spirit Grandmother”. UGH. I know that they felt that was honoring me in some way but the last thing I ever wanted to be was that at least in the form I was perceiving to that to be. I began observing my Moon from different angles and spent much time meditating upon my Moon on my Ascendant in an attempt to get a better handle on what image I was projecting. When I didn’t feel that image was a true picture of my nature I began to make changes.
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These past 2 years I have often felt invisible. Deconstruction of one’s Moon and ASC will do that I suppose. My Virgo Sun and Pluto having the attention of Saturn these past years and my Venus being run over by a retro Mars was a real humdinger too and these transits likely contributed to this feeling of invisibility. Oh yeah, then there’s that whole bag of midlife transits too which has it’s own unique flavors. Is turning 40 always this much fun or are some of us getting a little extra fun these years, I wonder? Doesn’t really matter does it, it is what it is, right?{{winks}}
Even though I have felt invisible, I have come to take peace in the belief that others can’t “see me” until there is something there to see. So that is what I have been working diligently towards these past years as I have applied myself to an inner and outer rebuild that is reflective whom I believe myself to be. I am now putting on the finishing touches and looking forward to the extra push from the Cardinal T-squares/Crosses and hoping for the best possible outcomes even though I accept that it may not be an easy time.
Saturn restructuring my Sun in Virgo certainly helped for I have regained my health and bettered my physical form these past 15 months. I am proud of the fact that I am now the same size that I was at 18 and have made a dietary change that while highly structured has brought me great stability and a sense of accomplishment through diligent application of effort and will.
Then there’s the changes to my archetype self concerning all things Mother/Feminine. Too many to list. Yet this has not earned me any popularity as of yet, in fact, I have been looked at as being ‘odd’ and/or ‘wrong’ for not wishing to be the “oh..come over and let me make that better for you!!” type of female expression some apparently feel I should be (not the viewpoint of my daughters’, so again, doesn’t matter). I was that, that heal the wounds of everything that breathes type of mother expression. I was born into that. I have come to see that my doing and being that, in most cases, was not helpful nor beneficial. My deeds often denied others their experiences and lessons that they needed to grow. I was on autopilot for a long-time, shaped by my childhood and programmed to be the ever-willing servant and led to believe it was my duty to clean up others ‘stuff’. Took me a while to catch on to that one unfortunately and release the dysfunction.
Now I have chosen another form of expressing the feminine and I am very comfortable with my choice. It is not that I do not adore children and puppy dogs and have great compassion for all forms of life, for I do; I just now know that I cannot fix the ills and woes of others by taking them upon myself. That was a misconception on my part and to some degree likely born of my being cast “The Mother” at birth and within a severely dysfunctional family. My earliest memories are of mothering my younger siblings and any other children that happened to be in my space via my mothers need to “look the part” for society and I have simply relinquished a role I should have let go of long before yet did not even realize I was still carrying until my Moon came under heavy transits.
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I mentioned early on that my female relationships have evaporated. That is true in the sense that I have no more past female relationships intact. For those that are astrology familiar what I shared of my Moon should explain the conditions fairly well. I have my horror stories and yet as the years go by I continue to put my efforts into writing a new story while closing chapters on the past. I have walked away and no longer wish to try to seek a healing of my relationships with the women of my family after a lifetime of attempts to do so. I will not suffer any longer and I no longer wish to be in the midst of so much drama and pain. I wish them all well and hope they find peace. I, am finally finding peace with all of it. As my youngest reminded me yesterday I DO have family. I have her and her sister and that is a blessing beyond measure, and one I shall never lose sight of, nor cease to be thankful for.
So here we are now on the brink of some absolutely phenomenal energies coming in and I am weary and stretched beyond my comfort zones and everyday for as long as I can remember has been filled with situation after situation that has challenged me to grow into something ‘else’. I am not the person I once was, and I am not completely sure of whom I am becoming nor where I will be or with whom. My old life is gone and I have been solidly in the void forever and ever it feels. Few material assets to speak of as my life has been completely overhauled and I am only in the beginning stages of rebuilding yet abundant in the gifts of Spirit and blessed to finally be able to say I love myself. I truly do and I am seldom concerned that others may not love this new me.
And of late I am really excited! Clean canvasses are pretty cool and we have got one hell of a Cosmic palette arriving and I intend to have fun with it and see what I can make of it all. My Moon has been hammered for quite some time by Saturn,Uranus and Pluto and Jupiter is now adding some attention too. But you know what? My Moon is standing up now and saying, “Let’s do it, let’s finish this show and see what great things are behind curtain #3″.”
I woke up a few weeks ago and decided just to be happy and told all those little edgy, worrisome echoes of my sub-self and the collective to F*ck Off. 🙂 Not very spiritual of me some would say but I don’t care. Sometimes it needs to be done that way. You see for all of this ‘stuff’ to work: you have to MEAN IT. And when I cuss I MEAN IT. Best thing I could have done for I hadn’t realized that this cosmic stew of the past months was seeping in and I overlooked it and took some of it on as my being my personal shit. Nope, it wasn’t. So I dumped it and shut the door with a bang.
So now I am ready. Bring it on Cosmos..send in your palette and let’s see what we can create!
Love and Blessings! Kachina
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Share? Been in the Void or have a personal planet(s) in the Shakedown? Feel free to reflect, ramble or rant or even affirm a big old F*ck Off to that which has been a monkey on your back. 🙂
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Update: Thanks to Yeshe (see comments below) we have this from Osho that fits just wonderfully into this whole F*ck Off to-doodle. Enjoy!
Pluto will oppose my Moon when it hits 2 Aquarius- a ways off, but upcoming nonetheless. I’ve been wondering what this transit will bring.
This is an amazing story.
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Hi Michelle~ Ah! I sincerely hope that your transition when it is due packs a bit less ‘oomph’ while still bringing you great end results. 😉
What I placed in this post astrologically is the bare bones of my astro energies these past years. My progressions and arcs have also been a large factor as has my SR returns. I am now 2/3rds of the way through an 8th house SR with Sun/Saturn/Mercury and a reversed chart.
All the best to you! Thanks for sharing.
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Hi Kachina – This was a really powerful post, one that I strongly related to. I don’t think you’re rambling at all. What you said made sense and I got a lot from it; you’re obviously going through a significant period of transformation, and I felt empowered reading your thoughts. O.k., so now I’ll ramble a bit. I hope you don’t mind that my comment is LONG.
I have natal Pluto in my 12th, square Mars in the 9th. And during my Chiron return (natal Chiron in the 6th, opposite natal Uranus in the 12th), transiting Saturn in Virgo was quincunx my natal Moon in the 5th and conjunct my natal Pluto, which triggered my Mars/Pluto square. At around the same time, transiting Pluto was making its way through my 4th house, conjoining my natal Saturn. I’m sure you know what I mean when I say it was Hellish.
So much has happened that changed me, in ways I’d never have imagined. And like you, I lost all of my previous female relationships (including my mother), although the real endings didn’t come until just after the transits. I also struggled with a temporary physical disability that challenged (and isolated) me and that I’m only now beginning to truly recover from. I wasn’t able to work, and my husband had to find new work; our income was drastically reduced and like many others we “downsized”. It’s been a long process, one that left me questioning my place in the world as well as my value to it. For a long time, I felt like NOTHING; what you said about feeling invisible really struck a chord with me. There’s very little left of my old life, and I’m only now beginning to regain some of the confidence I lost as I move forward into the unknown and try to construct a new life.
The most important thing I learned about Pluto (and Pluto transits), is that I have to be willing to let go. Let it ALL go and be grateful for whatever remains. For me it’s mostly been about transforming my relationship with God (or whatever one chooses to call the divine force), and accepting the fact that I don’t control anything beyond my own thoughts and actions. With natal Pluto close to my Ascendant it’s been very difficult, but necessary . . . and very humbling. I love what you said about being a blank canvas. What a nice metaphor; that’s exactly what I am
I may not comment often, but I always enjoy your posts, this one in particular. I’m sure you’ll come out of this even stronger and wiser. 🙂
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I am glad that you shared your situations! I often learn more from the dialogue in comments streams than from the original post. 🙂
On that note: if you are not familiar with Aquarius Papers ,I highly recommend digging into the archives there for insight on the 12th house. Robert has expansive knowledge that I find incredibly liberating for those of us with planets there. If you do stop over, just plug “12th house” into his search bar and you’ll get good returns and be sure to read the comment stream for he goes into quite a bit of depth. Excuse my throwing that in to your response..but I feel everyone with 12th placements can really benefit from his offerings.
“and accepting the fact that I don’t control anything beyond my own thoughts and actions.” ~there you said it all. Exactly. Bless you, for you have been there and know exactly what this is all about.
You know, ego death I have generally seen delegated to the realms of Neptune, yet I think Pluto is overlooked here. As you said: “I felt like NOTHING”..and we do through much of this.
Now that in itself does not signal ego death depending on how a person moves through that ‘nothingness’, for some they will get stuck at the first levels of self-lack, yet for those that seek understanding it evolves farther into something far greater that cannot be expressed in just a few lines.
“Humbling”..most definitely. I thought myself to be humble before these events..but boy!, was I wrong.
I wish you all the best as you paint your new canvas!
Blessings! xxxx
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Hey Kachina!
Your message is POWER PACTED! No rambling here, dear girl. Every single sentence is rich with significant meaning and wisdom that was born from suffering and experience. I could relate to every single word. Yes, I have a 12th house moon on on a Cardinal Grand Cross! Don’t ever stop writing, Kachina, You touch people where is matters.
I could write a bit about my experience, but I really want to focus on YOU! You put your heart out there. Wonder if that was scary, or not? You certainly have a special place in this world and can help to heal people’s pain. You are definitely a healer!
It just occurred to me that there are those people who also suffer great emotional pain, but remain so into themselves that they never recognize the pain of others. They don’t evolve from that pain in order to shine a light for others or embrace others. You are love and you are light.
I am your female friend who is in your corner!
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Thank you Jan! I happily accept your gift of friendship and am thankful for your support. ~xxx
Is it scary to put my heart out there? lol In some ways, yes(especially when my Venus-Saturn tries to act shadowy)..though it gets easier and easier when I remember I do this because I believe it is ‘what I am to do’. We all have our directives that if we don’t follow them, there is no peace..and from what I have experienced and in observation of others, usually whatever it is that is ‘ours to do’ is exactly where our greatest discomfort arises. Yet, once you put your toes in the waters, it seems as if you cannot stop, no matter what.
Please do share concerning your personal experiences if you feel led to do so. It is in the sharing that we learn and grow together. 🙂
~xxxx
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Kachina,
That was a very powerful story. I, too, am going through
a very painful Pluto transit (in the 1st) opposing my natal moon in cancer (in my 7th house.) I am experiencing a divorce after 3 years of tolerating ambient abuse from an 18 yr. old marriage. My abusive husband has taken our daughter away from me (must be represented by my moon), and is guilty of P.A.S. (Parental Alienation Syndrome). I hired a good attorney and the divorce battle /settlement still rages on, currently. But I do miss my daughter. I like the above comments about using the Pluto transits as “letting go”. For right now, everything is out of my hands. And I would also like to think that I will emerge stronger from this very painful transit.
Trish
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You have my sympathy Trish and I hope you and your daughter come through this with a more meaningful and loving bond that will bring swift healing for that which you have been through.
I applaud your removing yourself from an abusive situation and you should be proud of yourself! That is not as easy as many think and I too have been there. Yet we should never allow ourselves to be abused and once you lock that one in and ‘get the lesson’ life gets so much brighter even during other times of trial.
Please come back and share whenever you wish!
Bright Blessings!
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Hi K~
I was so ready to read this right NOW! I am soooooo weary and trying to remain hopeful… So much of what you wrote resonates with me. I am happy that you are moving forward with a kick-ass attitude! 🙂 and you just need to add “namaste” after the f**k off! ;0
Funny, I cleaned house too with many of my female friends and just in case I thought I made a mistake, I am always reminded in one way or another, I did not!
Anyway, lots of new friends always seem to come into the picture even if they don’t live so close! (winkwink!)
Still trying to unload a few more ties to my past that are getting me down and preparing myself for all the good stuff that’s coming my way.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Love to you~
c
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Ms. Cyndee~ I Love YOU!
You always bring me a good giggle and you’ve got my back by making sure I remember to bless after ‘flipping off’. lol ~you are like my karmic bodyguard~
Yes, new friends do come into the picture! I met you and others compliments of Uranus (internet) transit my Moon (women) and now that Neptune is trine to my Moon I am happy to have our friendship deepening. 🙂 Good stuff, yes??
Yes..we DO have good stuff coming our way..and I have no doubt you will use all that ‘steam’ of yours to get yourself there!
Love, K
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Hi Again Kachina!
Time to share…….
I have Capricorn Rising with a 12th House Moon who is stressed on a Cardinal Grand Cross. When I was born, my Mother did not welcome me into this world. She was angry and yelled for them to remove me from the room and get me out of her sight. We never bonded, ever and I never knew a Mother’s love. So, I became Earth Mother to everyone else. When she passed away, I felt reborn and free. No tears. I now, view my experience with her as karmic and a pre-life contract we made together. While growing up as my abusive father would throw me down to the floor and get on top of me and hold me down, she would stand in the doorway and just watch. No protection from her at all. So, it had to be karma or a pre-life agreement, don’t you think?
Since the Moon rules my 7th House, marriage relationships have been difficult and disappointing, but growth promoting. Later in life my second marriage was to an older man who was to teach me how to love myself and become self-sufficient. Our soul mates are not always loving and caring. He was mean, physically and verbally abusive. This man did not like me, but, “Damn the torpedos and the red flags, full speed ahead!” I was wild to marry him. He was the making of me! It was Karmic. I married a spitting image of my Father. My Sun is unaspected, by the way and my Moon is the Apex of a Yod. Saturn is opposite the Moon and is semi-sextile Uranus and Pluto. He told me I was worthless (just as my Father did) and that I would be nothing without him etc. He could not have been more wrong!
Like the Phoenix that rises up from the ashes, here I am! My story feels glorious, as I came out on the other side. I love myself, value myself and vibrate as high as I can. Mistreatment is not acceptable! Pluto has something in store for me while it rubs up against my Moon by 2 degrees. So, with Pluto activating the Apex of my Yod, what in the hell does that mean? So far, it has been totally liberating. I feel strong and confidently braced for the future. I have never worked so hard at being the best that I can, physically and mentally. My life feels like it is working very well. I WILL survive!
Love to all of you guys out there!
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I have read through your sharing now a few times..took me a few goes for I was just flooded with a deep feeling of kinship.
I, too, was not welcomed by my mother. By her own recollection the delivery doc was drunk, and I was a difficult forceps delivery with a severely misshapen head as a result at birth..she reacted in horror when she saw me and screamed at the nurses for days that I was not her baby. Later, as you also experienced, protection was withheld.
During infancy I was primarily entrusted to the care of a grandmother whom was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic that never took meds nor accepted any form of treatment other than when she was hospitalized at times against her will. I interpret her ‘illness’ quite differently than western medical but suffice it to say that she was severely fragmented and open to external influences. For my first 15 years she was a constant figure in my life and it was through my time spent with her that I learned to better discern and define the ‘unseen’ and would learn how to successfully walk amongst out-of-body forms.
“Damn the torpedos and the red flags, full speed ahead!” I was wild to marry him.”...LOL, just have to giggle at how we end up in these ‘learning’ situations and share that one with you too.
Jan, you are an inspiration! I know it is soooo cliche but you really have come a longggg way baby! {{cheersssss}} I am so glad our paths crossed and now that we have done the “well, here’s how it was” together maybe now we will begin to share in the “here’s how it is going to be!”. I would love that. 🙂
Love, K
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Thanks for being so brave Kachina, Not commenting much but still checking in here – ‘All hell up’, as they say here in Cornwall. I think people need to want and ask for healing for it to be effective – its not a divine right and it doesn’t come free. Don’t cast your pearls before swine! I love ‘F**k off, Namaste’. Big hugs!
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“All Hell Up”..laughing hysterically here Morvah for as soon as I read that my my inner voice started screaming, “Man the Torpedo’s!!”. Ha!
Maybe those torp’s are comprised of F-Bombs loaded with blessings?? Hmm..something for me to muse today I think.
I’m so glad you stopped by! Returning your hugs with Love and Thanks. 🙂 xoxoxo
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It’ s about time girlzs! A few weeks ago I ran naked through my apartment yelling Fuck off! to all of it. Welcome to the party!
Your story sounds so similar to my own. I liquidated my past life the fall of 2008. Found myself in a month to month apartment with a pile of belongings I had salvaged from the wreckage and my two cats. I too am going through mid-life transits; born 1966, year of the Firehorse, with the Sat- Uranus opposition hitting me head on to the degree (along with my Moon and Chiron) – lots of fun. My natal Pluto sits next to Uranus directly on my mid-heaven in Virgo and with 4 planets in the 8th house I am no stranger to plutonic issues.
I have dedicated the last year and a half to getting to know myself and loving myself. I am glad I am not the only one giving up being an empath. I’ve found I can have compassion but witness another beings problems as if I were in a hover craft; I don’t need to be “involved”, wow!
And girl, it is time to have some fun! We are birthing a new feminine archetype, (some call it the solar feminine) so watch out world, we have arrived! Thank goddess! I like Erik Francis’ take on it as the Divine Prostitute – owning the shadow feminine.
And so good to hear other women that are feeling it and daring to live it. I really feel like these are the times I have been waiting for my whole life, and that I can finally be MYSELF, regardless of what “others” think. I’m always here for support sister – rock on!
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Yes, Yes and YES! Wow Yeshe, you have fired me up this morning and I am lovin’ it. xxxx
For a long time now I have had a distaste for labels, all labels..a few years ago I wrote a piece I called, “Just Me, Undefined” and it is my perception of how we are everything and nothing and how this was translating for me through a rejection of labels such as ‘spiritual’, ‘healer’, ‘seer’ etc. I dumped all of them for a long time. Then when I put my toes back into the sands of society I dusted off a few and stepped back into them, just enough to allow those that still need formatting to relate to me in some form. Divine Feminine, Solar Feminine, Divine Prostitute..we taste it, sense it, know it..and yet it seems to me to be of far more beauty and grace when I just allow it to be nameless, at least for now. I just know I have no tolerance anymore for cloaks nor mantles of any nature and am not sure I shall remain this way or if it is just a stage I am working through but it is where I am regardless and is a bit difficult being in that while trying to also be part of society.
I am just so excited today..possibly we are now emergent and beginning to bring forth our piece into the greater whole of what this IS. And you know what I say to that? It is about Fucking Time. {{winks}}
Love, K
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P.S. can totally relate to the invisibility thing. I’ve actually started playing with it in public places, kind of like having a cloak of invisibility. I call it living in Harry Potter world! Have fun!
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Interesting your bringing up Harry Potter..I had one of my odd musings last night and was ranting to a dear-one how my manual must have got lost and maybe JK Rowling was truly impressed with the writing of “THE MANUALS” but instead got her directions mixed up too.
And my dear-one says to me, “So, something like JK wrote the Harry Potter’s instead of “THE MANUALS” because her signals got crossed and you were left high and dry”
..to which I responded, “Yeah, something like that. Like at the end of this life her and I will be sitting in a room and all the “Big-Boys Upstairs” will be laughing hysterically for my blunder at waiting for ‘orders’ that never arrived and for her writing ‘sci-fi’ instead of the ‘orders’ she was tasked to scribe for me(us).
And then they’ll all look at me while laughing hysterically and say, “sweetheart, what the hell were you waiting for and what didn’t you understand?? YOU..were supposed to write ‘sci-fi’, that was YOUR ticket baby and we set you up perfectly for it and oh well..looks like you missed out on that one-in-million lifetime ‘cuz you were taking everything so damn seriously and awaiting some silly manual that was never part of your gig this time anyway!”
And the really ironic part of it is..I live with someone that is a Harry Potter fan through and through and and yet I have NEVER read one single book in the series and I figure I shall find out in that room at the end of this run..that THE MANUAL was imbued within that darn set of books and was right there in my home the whole time. Living word and all that. lol
Yeah..that is how my mind works at times. Off the charts nutty if I allow it to run with the ball. All compliments of Uranus-Jupiter-Mercury. Eek!
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P.P.S. As for saying fuck not being spiritual, search for “Osho – fuck you” on You.tube. He recommends it as spiritual practice.
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AH! Posting your recommendation into my original post for all to enjoy!
This is awesome, thank you. 🙂
See the vid update above at the bottom of the original post folks..Osho recommends starting your morning with the “Five Fuck-You’s Mantra”..I have now officially fallen in love with this incredible Soul. 😉
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Me too! Thanks Yeshe!
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Awesome you found the video! It is time we all relax, have some fun and say fuck you to the ego, as well as throw off the patriarchy and all its associated deeply entrenched belief systems.
I haven’t read any of the Potter books either, but have seen the movies. And daily occurences in my life continue to make me think that that world is rapidly blending into this one. Oh the morphing of reality! Keep running with the ball, it may actually be a whole lot saner than the way things used to be….
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Hey Kachina!
Loved your reply, Kachina. Babies that were born into an unwelcoming situation: What are they thinking, feeling etc., I wonder. Is it a long birth because they are digging in their heels in an effort to prolong what awaits them? I wonder. My Grandmother also cared for me during that first year.
12th House Moon: Ancestors, family karma, female karma. Can we break the family karma? Not close to my daughter. No matter what I try to do, there seems to be a lack luster response from her. The relationship is strained and feels unnatural. Was not close to my Mother. Didn’t understand why. My Mother was not close to her Mother. My Mother’s Mother died when she was tiny. Thought I could break this family karma (if that’s what it is) by telling my daughter about it and exposing it head on, but no response so far. I feel like letting her go…..My adopted daughter wishes to see no family member. Interestingly, my son and I are close. My Mother was very close with her son, my brother. Her Mother was very close with her son, my Mother’s brother. I read that if one has an active Cap/Cancer axis, that family estrangements are not uncommon. I love people and get along with everyone, but the family stuff often stinks for me with a “garbagey” smell. South Node conjunct Moon in 12th?
Thoughts on Pluto: I view Pluto in transit as a high beamed laser flash light who while focussing on it’s object, it projects scorching heat that can melt and transform or remove what shouldn’t be there. I may be a damned fool, but I want Pluto to be my friend who cuts through the crap and tells it to me straight! I will cooperate. I will let go. I will become empowered in a healthy way. I like my natal Pluto in the 7th House (Scorpio MH). I am Plutonian and like to go under the surface. I want to evolve and grow. Where I was in the past was painful. Don’t want that anymore! I read that wherever you find Pluto in a Solar Chart is where you are going to need strength, but you WILL have that strength. Perhaps the same is true for Natal Charts, as well.
Here’s how it is now……I posted recently about how great I felt with Pluto positioning itself 2* rubbing up against my 12th House Moon, strong, confident, empowered etc. Well….. Dear Heart, that evening I learned that my husband (yes, we still live together; cannot afford a divorce) had some bad news. A debt collector cleaned out every single penny from his major checking account, including his Social Security! The rent is due in 2 weeks (I am not on the lease). I have been saving up money to leave and go out on my own for a year now. If I help him, I will go down the drain financially and be stuck with him in a hellish life. Everything I worked for will be lost. He is not well and is going blind; many health issues and on meds for anger management etc. Can I leave a blind man? I know Pluto wants him out of my life. I know that. This is just a taste. I know that as well……
Love,
Jan
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Hi Jan,
Adding my thoughts on Family Karma: My approach in clearing ancestral lineage wounds has been one of standing as representative and asking for/and accepting grace and healing for myself and those that wished to be accepting and were ready to step into a new expression.
My last name, Houska, is of my maternal lineage and it was my choice to acquire that name even though I have not had healthy relations with my maternal lineage. It felt right to me at the time that I chose it and it took me a while to comprehend why it seemed the right thing to do for I felt I should be running from that name and all that it represented for me, not towards it. Yet I feel what I have done was to take that energy and branch it into another expression and just leave the door open, so to speak, for any that wish to switch tracks.
I applaud your perception of Pluto! I completely believe you will have wonderful success with Pluto for within your words above, you have decreed it to be so. Good for You!
As for your domestic situation, that is not an easy one, yet I always advocate listening to your heart and you’ll take the measures that are proper for you.
Love, K
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Wow, I think everyone here talked about their I HAD IT UP TO HERE moment. That’s what usually has to happen for a woman (or a man with a lot of feminine energy) to assert her boundaries AND right to be, and for the change to remain.
I always wondered about women in the later middle ages (above the age of 55). I used to work with them and was amazed by their assertive natures. By then, it seems their love and kindness had been tried, tested, and tempered fully; if they plan to live out the rest of their days, they demand to do it on their own terms. I wondered, at that time when I was just hitting my 30s, if I could get to that point without having to wait 25 years or so…
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HA! For myself, I have to alter the Had-It-Up-to-Here singular ‘moment’ to plural ‘moments’…I’m a change kind of gal, cannot stand static and that tends to come with a never-ending stream of Had-It-Up-to-Here as the impetus. You too? 🙂
I think we can achieve what you admired in those women at an earlier age now, in fact, I think many women are achieving this much younger than before. I see many of our female youth that are miles ahead in the arena’s of self-love and healthy boundaries than where I was at their respective ages and some are way ahead of where I am now.
I am glad you stopped by and shared!
Blessings!
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Thank you, thank you for writing this. You put into words so much of what I have experienced this life, and especially the last 14 years.
I have a Cancer ascendant, south node in Cancer in the 12th, Moon in Pisces at 26 degrees opposed by 4th house Pluto (2 Libra) and widely squared by Saturn in the 12th; and I have Uranus in the 4th too. Family, family, oh, family. Many years ago I tried to sneak out the metaphorical back door away from family and friends drama, but it was booby trapped! The more I tried to create my own space and take care of myself, the harsher and nastier my family became. A graceful exit wasn’t meant to be. Talk about fighting for one’s soul. Of course the gem in all this is exactly what you said about being “…abundant in the gifts of Spirit and blessed to finally be able to say I love myself.” Now that the PTSD is starting to wear off, I can finally say it was all worth it.
Currently I am still in the void even though I’ve attempted to get out, only to find dead ends so far. I’ve become somewhat cautious, and maybe a bit scared about attempting again, as my energy is very low. If you find a way out, let us know. I’m hoping Pluto can help with this as it approaches my North Node.
Thank you for writing from such an authentic place.
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Hi Erika,
Yes, completely understand the feeling of ‘booby-trapped doors’. lol
It’s interesting that you point out how the more you tried to exert your individuality and freedom the more you felt you were opposed, not intending to rephrase your words so I hope that is a fair assessment. My situations are similar for it seems that now that I have let go of any need or want of a relationship with some people the more I am now pursued by those that never showed me a bit of concern previously. It’s a real sticky.
I am glad to hear you are finding renewal from your experiences and are in a better space now..even if it is the ‘void’. 😉
Ha! I will certainly write about the door out of the ‘void’ when it appears, no doubt about it! Please do share on your progress too!
Blessings! Kachina
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